Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
