Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
