Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
