So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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