I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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