I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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