you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
