i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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