I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
