he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
