i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
