So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
