she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she peed on how many people?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
