I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
