my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
