alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
