I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
