I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize