i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
