Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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