You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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