I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
