You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
