I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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