alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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