Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
