fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
