She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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