i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My ATM looks so different sober.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
