I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
