just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
