You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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