I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
where am i from again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
