I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My pussy is not your playground.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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