Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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