I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
