you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
