im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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