He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
