i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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