wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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