Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
