Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
