he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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