Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
