Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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