I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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