Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize