Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
