What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
