I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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