It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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