he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
