Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
