South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize