Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
