y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
