you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
FUCK WHALES
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