first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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