and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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