i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
