if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize