fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
