I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
