Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
