Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
