The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
