I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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