I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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