it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize