i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
