Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
