I got chris browned last night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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