Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
