i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
