You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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