I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
