Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
