Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The air taste purple.
Randomize
