Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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