i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
