Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
