i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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