He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize